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Pity the poor polluter!!  Faced with the public's stubborn support for environmental protection, the pollution lobby finds itself living a lie, forced to obfuscate, to equivocate, to cloak its true nature in a shroud of weasel words.  Despite the rising political fortunes of the "Earth-abuse" movement, many of its leaders continue to deny their true asperations.  Instead, they disguise their dirty deeds by using seemingly innocent positive-sounding nomenclature, such as “clear sky initiative”, "private property rights", “right to work”, and other high-sounding esoterica.

What do these people really want??  They want it all, and they're tired of pretending they don't!!  We're tired of it too.  

So, for all our sakes, I give you the agenda that dare not speak its name…  

                                                 

The Polluter's Bill of Rights
 

Article I. Dibs on Everything:

Congress shall make no law restricting our access to natural resources, or holding us accountable for any long-term damage we inflict upon the planet or its inhabitants for the sake of our limitless profits.  “Earth: It's our golden goose, and we'll cook it if we want to!!”

Article II. America: Abuse It or Lose It:

Congress shall do whatever it takes to ensure the fullest possible exploitation of the nation's assets in the shortest possible time.  To wit: if it grows, cut it; if it flows, dam it; if it's underground, extract it; if it's swampy, fill it; if it moves, kill it.  If you think you can stop us, forget it!!

Article III. Pollution Pays:

America owes us a living – and a damn good one at that!!  Therefore Congress shall make no law abridging our right to act irresponsibly unless it rewards us with taxpayer dollars in an amount determined by standard accounting practices (i.e., our own)*.

Article IV. No Wild Areas??  No Wildlife??  No Problem!!:

Congress shall not hinder the conversion of wild places to commercially viable real estate, nor shall it act to protect those species that have shown, by their proximity to extinction, an un-Amerikan aversion to shopping malls and interstate highways.  National parks and other public lands shall be sold at auction, with the proceeds going to polluters who are forced to behave responsibly (see Article III).

Article V. Risk Assessment: We Do the Assessing, You Take the Risk:

Congress shall keep its nose out of industry's business, no matter how bad it smells.  Citizens shall take responsibility for their own health problems and stop whining about toxins and hazardous waste.  lf people don't like chemicals in their vegetables, let them eat meat!!

Article VI. Cows Are More Important Than People:

Congress shall make no law abridging the rights of privately owned livestock to chew up publicly owned land at government-subsidized rates.  Poor people may not deserve federal handouts, but hoofed animals do!!

Article VII. The 1872 Law – Couldn't Have Said It Better Ourselves:

Why shouldn't the mining industry continue to grab vast, publicly owned gold and silver deposits for chump change??  We claim it, you reclaim it.  Ulysses S. Grant wanted it that way.  'Nuff said!!

Article VIII. You Can't Take it With You, However...:

As the meek, under a higher authority, shall inherit the Earth, Congress shall make no law respecting the right of the arrogant to consume as much of the planet's resources as possible before the meek get their shot.

Articles IX and X. For Us to Know and You to Find Out:

Our lawyers are working on 'em.  We'll keep you posted.  Meanwhile, a word to the wise: if you like nature, hang on to those old Sierra Club calendars.

--adopted from B.I. Bergman

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* Refers to "takings" legislation proposed under Newt Gingrich’s “Contract On Amerika” in the '80s , whereby taxpayers would have had to pay corporations not to pollute.  Ok, so that may seem like a long time ago, but beware of the future!!

This page was last updated on February 12, 2023

Always remember to "Think Green" because good planets are hard to find!!  

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